Gender Differences

Gender differences and perceived gender differences can create some the most challenges for men and women. It can affect whether you get a promotion, that second date, an invitation to the neighborhood party and much, much more. Alleviating these issues is actually the basis behind the formation of Encompass Work & Family.

For years I have seen how gender and gender differences create difficulties in the workplace, at home, and even with one’s own identity. Yet, our human struggle for equality has made it difficult to talk about these differences. I have found that people commonly fear that difference somehow implies inequality, which often leads people to downplay their difference. We are equal, but we are not the same.

A Look at Women…

As an example, I have seen a huge number of women fight against displaying common feminine characteristics in order to establish more respect in the workplace. Women also downgrade such qualities in other women, referring to women as “too soft,” “too emotional,” “too flirty,” or describing them as “bitches.” Disdain for women also comes out when women declare that they’d rather work for a man than a women. In many areas, women have become women’s worst enemies. Consequently, women battle and then become frustrated, lonely, and even depressed.

The reality is that women need women. Did you know that women are even wired to thrive in female friendships? Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, increases when women share their feelings with each other. So, psychologically, some of those “cat fights” might be an expression of an inner aching need for friendship. The good news is there a secret way for women to effectively bond and work well with other women—and they are completely different strategies from working with men. It’s powerful and exactly what I help women with every day—from top executives to women just starting in their career. I also work with a lot of stay at home women, Moms, and retired female professionals that are re-orienting to being out of work.

A Look at Men…

On the other side of the continuum is the traditional masculine male. The traditional male is hierarchical, competitive, linear, and many of these views actually form popular business culture and society-at-large narratives. However, culture and society are changing to include more relational and human centered views (like collaboration over competition and quality of life over being driven by the bottom-line). These shifts, along with the increase of women in leadership roles, demands changes from men which can be confusing.

Many men are now questioning their role as leader and provider. They are also unsure about how to talk to women at work and at home. There is no clear roadmap or precise formula to follow, which has led increasing numbers of men to experience inner conflict, confusion, frustration, and even depression. Worse, men are in a double-bind as they are raised not to cry or show emotion (the old “Be a man” dictum) but then they expected to show emotion in their relationships. This inner struggle usually results in various stages of defensiveness, shame, more and more efforts to prove themselves as worthy, and then isolated retreat.

Gender in Families…

Gender role confusion impacts home life too, as partners (same-sex or heterosexual) struggle to find a dance where each person can lead and follow appropriately. Two partners will collide if both try to take the lead at the same time or they will stagnate if they both try to follow at the same time. This is true for parenting as well because both partners need to be able to have a united front for their children. Often times one parent must follow the other in order to achieve consistent rules and expectations for kids. Parents are also modeling the intimacy dance for their children—teaching kids by example how to navigate gender roles in the world. If a child sees one parent as a victim of an unbalanced dance, they will try to mimic or overcompensate and possibly risk the same damaging results.

An Answer for You…

These issues can be ubiquitous and frustrating, even a bit crazymaking.  I’ve personally experienced them from every angle and have studied a vast amount of research on these topics from different disciplines and cultures. After a lot of homework and life experiences, I found some good solid information that has helped me and my clients. My goal is to share it with the world and help men and women achieve the kind of happiness, peace and joy that every person deserves. I believe it’s our right…there’s just a little different way to get there in today’s current world. Please let me help you get there by calling me at (512) 617-6356 or emailing me at info@encompasswf.com. I frequently coach one on one no matter your location. I also conduct trainings for organizations, and I offer seminars in several locations throughout the U.S.

Best of care to you,

Kimberly